You’ve probably said something like, “Part of me wants to go, but part of me would rather stay home.” Or, “I knew it was a bad idea, but some part of me did it anyway.” Most people talk this way without thinking about it. Internal Family Systems takes that language seriously and builds a whole approach to therapy around it.
The basic idea
IFS starts from the premise that the mind isn’t one unified thing. It’s made up of parts, and each part has its own feelings, beliefs, and job to do. There’s the inner critic, for example. There’s the part that shuts down when things get hard, and the part that keeps over-functioning until it crashes. There’s often a part that reaches for a drink or a phone or an argument when something underneath feels unbearable.
What makes IFS different is how it treats those parts. None of them are seen as the problem. Each one is trying to help, in the only way it learned how. The critic is trying to keep you from being rejected. The part that numbs out is trying to keep you from feeling something it thinks you can’t handle. They’re protective, even when the protection costs you.
What IFS does with that
Most of us spend years fighting our parts. We shame the critic, push past the shutdown, and white-knuckle through the urge. It rarely works for long, because you can’t bully a part of yourself into relaxing.
IFS takes the opposite approach. Instead of fighting the part, you get curious about it. What is it afraid would happen if it stopped? What is it protecting? Underneath the protective parts there’s usually a younger, more vulnerable one carrying pain from a long time ago, and the protectors are standing guard over it.
When those parts feel understood instead of attacked, they loosen their grip. And underneath all of them is what IFS calls Self: a steadier, more grounded core that everyone has, even if it’s been buried for decades. The aim is to let Self lead, so the parts don’t have to run everything anymore.
Who IFS helps
IFS was developed for trauma and that’s still where it’s used most, particularly complex and developmental trauma. It’s also well suited to anxiety, shame, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the kind of internal conflict that other approaches haven’t quite reached.
It tends to work well for people who have already done a lot of therapy, understand their patterns, and still can’t seem to change them. Insight on its own isn’t always enough. IFS works at the level where the patterns actually live.
Many of our ADHD clients find it useful for the parts that formed around years of criticism, like the one that says “you’ll mess this up anyway” and the one that procrastinates to avoid finding out.
What a session looks like
There’s less talking about your life and more talking to the parts of you that are living it. Your therapist helps you notice a part, get to know it, and find out what it needs. It can feel odd at first. Most people get the hang of it quickly, and many describe it as the first time they’ve felt something like compassion for themselves instead of frustration.
Sessions are 50 minutes, in person at our St. John’s clinic or virtually anywhere in Canada. There’s no fixed timeline. Some people use IFS for a specific issue over a few months. Others find it becomes the way they relate to themselves long after therapy ends.
Getting started
Our IFS-informed therapists work with adults across Newfoundland and Labrador and virtually across Canada. Start with a free 15-minute consultation. We’ll talk about what’s going on and whether IFS, EMDR, or another approach makes the most sense for you.
